Jennifer Lopez’s marriage to Ben Affleck proves that break-ups and divorces don’t mean you’ve failed
On Saturday night, a couple waited in line to get married at the Little White Chapel in Las Vegas. She’d used the break room to change into a dress from an old movie; he’d thrown on an old jacket in the men’s room. The clock struck midnight and, after walking down the aisle to the wedding march courtesy of a Bluetooth speaker, they officially became husband and wife. The newlyweds? Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.
It might sound like an unusual celebrity wedding. But given the romantic trajectory of Lopez and Affleck – or “Bennifer”, as they’re known – it was a fitting celebration, one that defied tradition, ditching pomp and pageantry for kitsch and spontaneity.
You’re probably already familiar with the basics of the Bennifer story. But just in case you need a refresher: the couple famously dated for 18 months in the early 2000s, later getting engaged before suddenly calling off the wedding in 2003 due to what they called “excessive media attention”. A few months later, they parted ways. Both went on to tie the knot with other people. In 2004, Lopez married the singer Marc Anthony. They had twins together, and split in 2014. Affleck, meanwhile, married actor Jennifer Garner in 2005. They had three children, and split in 2018.
All this is to say that a Bennifer revival was hardly on the cards. And yet, in May 2021, photographs emerged of the famous pair together, sending the internet into a dizzying spin of nostalgia and excitement. The couple confirmed the news at the end of the month.
Theirs is a love story that will inspire hope in even the most sceptical among us. But it’s also one that teaches us some valuable lessons about relationships. Consider the media’s portrayal of Lopez’s love life, for example. Over the years, much has been made about the singer’s “failed” relationships. Aside from her ex-husbands – she was also married to entrepreneur Ojani Noa from 1997 to 1998, and dancer Cris Judd from 2001 until 2002 – high-profile exes include rapper Sean “Diddy” Combs, baseball player Alex Rodriguez and (rumour has it) the musician Drake. It’s a narrative we see playing out time and time again: when a woman’s relationship breaks down, it’s seen as some sort of social and biological failure, particularly if she is over the age of 30. As a result, those broken relationships are viewed as wastes of time.
The fact that Lopez has now happily reunited with one of her exes proves that this is not the case. Popular culture has long sold us a myth that we should look back on past relationships with bitterness and scorn – but why? In some cases this might be valid and even necessary, but it isn’t always. The majority of relationships don’t last for ever, with most meant to last for a finite period of time – and that’s OK.
This isn’t to say that all exes should try and rekindle their romances. But to write off every past relationship as a failure would be a mistake, one rooted in archaic views that prioritise marriage above all else. Surely it’s much more reassuring to think of our previous relationships as meaningful periods of time in our lives? Regardless of how long they lasted, they all teach us something, right? And if they’re part of a larger story that leads us to finding “the one” in the end, who’s to say they weren’t valuable?
Bennifer defies tradition in other ways, too. Take the simple fact that, at 49 and 52, respectively, Affleck and Lopez appear to have settled down with one another later in life. Both have already lived out the “marriage and kids” narrative that is thrust upon all of us in our late twenties and early thirties.
Women in particular are told to be wary of our “biological clocks” and, given the way romantic love is still upheld as society’s stamp of approval, immense pressure is placed on us to settle down. It doesn’t help, of course, that single women are still often viewed as social renegades, like they’ve subverted cultural norms by having the temerity to go through life on their own.
But Bennifer shows us that patience can pay off in the long-run. And while we might not all end up with the one that got away, it’s comforting to see this unique kind of love story celebrated so publicly. No one should feel forced to settle down with someone simply because years of social conditioning tells them to.
As Lopez put it in her newsletter: “Stick around long enough and maybe you’ll find the best moment of your life in a drive-through in Las Vegas at 12.30am in the tunnel of love […] with your kids and the one you’ll spend forever with.” Love, Lopez concluded, is a thing worth waiting for – and given the state of the world right now, that’s exactly the kind of optimism we all need.
