The other night, I was sipping sauvignon blanc on the lap of a man nearly three times my age. We were both naked, our clothes, my Kate Spade bag, and a cane were scattered across his living room floor. Dua Lipa was playing softly through the speakers. And as I lay against him, his arms around me, I felt a few things. Safe. Desirable. And like a normal 20-year-old woman.
People think sugar dating is all about girls sleeping with middle-aged millionaires. And yes, there is a part of that. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have “daddy issues”, or that I didn’t enjoy being taken to fancy restaurants over McDonalds. But ultimately, what I love about being a sugar baby is far deeper than the materialistic benefit. It’s that most of the older men I’ve met have never once judged me for being blind.
I really struggled at secondary school. For all their talk about wokeness and inclusion, my Gen Z peers still made it clear I was an outsider. It felt as though everyone apart from me started getting invited to parties. On Monday mornings, I would overhear conversations in the toilets about who had hooked up with who a few nights before, and I remember feeling so excluded. It was even worse when my friends started getting boyfriends.
As a disabled woman, I was automatically dismissed as “less” by boys in my year. I remember trying not to cry, as lads who I had known since nursery, began blanking me in the corridor. I remember feeling scared and intimidated, as they pushed me in the lunch queue and shouted “Oi, mind the blind girl”. School taught me that I was ugly; that I was abnormal; and that I should be grateful for what attention I could get.
However, it was when I left school that I realised I was not invisible to older men. For once, I had an advantage. I began to take trips to London, and this independence opened me up to a world of men in their thirties, forties and fifties. I would flirt with them all. The men did not look down on me. They talked to me in a normal voice about normal things. When the guys would pay me compliments or touch my arm, it set off a dopamine rush. I would laugh and play with my hair. To my disappointment though, it never went any further than kindness or banter.
One weekend, I came across a documentary by Tiffany Sweeney. It was called Secrets of Sugar Baby Dating. I instantly became transfixed by this exclusive world of old-school chivalry, where age was just a number with no stigma, and where men from all careers could shower these women with gifts, mentorship and idealisation. I needed to be in that club.
In March 2021, I set up a profile on SeekingArrangement. I didn’t mention my disability in my bio. I just wrote about my interests, career ambitions and what sort of old-school gentleman I was looking for. And that was that. I went to bed and when I logged on the next morning, my inbox had about 50 messages from different men wanting to take me out.
My time in the sugar dating world has been nothing short of exciting. The first date was just a standard drink in Granary Square. But the one after that, a guy treated me to a rose quartz facial at the Rosewood Hotel. I’ve experienced vanilla intimacy, BDSM, and role-play. I’ve received advice from men who are high-up in my industry. I’ve gone shopping or out to dinner with men who have net worths ranging from £60,000 to £60 million.
Hardly any of them have batted an eyelid about my visual impairment. Usually, I will message them for a bit before bringing up my disability. I’ll ask about them, send them pictures of me, and find out what we both like sexually. And then, when I’ve shown them who I am, I will drop the “D” bomb. While there was one man who was upset I couldn’t see his picture, on the whole, they are far more accepting and caring than guys from my generation. Maybe it’s that old-school chivalry aligns with looking after someone, nurturing, and protecting them. Or maybe it’s that when you’re in the world of sugar dating, you already know what it’s like to be judged or seen as unconventional, so you don’t make other people feel that way.
I feel as if it was fated that I signed up to a sugar daddy website. The experience has given me confidence, independence and acceptance I never had before. I don’t know how long I will stay on it, and I don’t how long it will be until I find the right man to share my life with. I know my self worth does not lie at the hands of someone else, but knowing that I am sexually desired makes me feel empowered. And the guys and gifts are just a lovely bonus.
Editor’s note: The author of this article wished to remain anonymous.
I’ve gone to dinner with men who have net worths ranging from £60,000 to £60 million
