Transgender people have revealed what it was like for them to come out to those closest to them.
As Transgender awareness week starts, a time designed to amplify the voices and visibility of trans people,The Independent has spoken to six people about coming out.
The stories shed light on the fact revealing you are trans to friends, family, teachers and colleagues is a process, which can be plagued by angst and frustration, but also coloured by relief and joy.
Those who shared their stories below noted coming out is an ongoing, evolving process that never stops.
Nicci Take first started questioning her gender at the age of 12, explaining she grew her hair long enough to put in a ponytail and would wear cowboy boots to her boys’ secondary school.
The 54-year-old, who is a businesswoman, added: ”I wore cowboy boots because they had a heel. My dad found my hair in an elastic band and said ‘That is no son of mine’.
“I burst into tears and went to bed. My mum came up a few hours later and gave me a hug. I said: ‘I don’t like the school, I don’t like the boys, I don’t like the rough and tumble. I want to be reading Jackie’.”
Ms Take, who helps businesses win contracts, explained she didn’t have an understanding of trans issues at the time, saying she could not “articulate it”.
She added: “I buried the idea of being a girl. Then I went on to head up a business. On 16 December 2012, I needed to change the culture of my business, I turned up to the staff Christmas in a Ms Sexy Santa outfit from Anne summers.
“When they all stopped laughing, I said: ‘We are going to change the culture of the business, stop thinking daddy I’m going to get into trouble, think of me as mummy’.”
At a later date, she asked the staff if she should be Nick or Nicki, and everyone said Nicki, telling her they much prefered her as a woman, she added.
Ms Take, who lives in London, said: “It suits me so much better. I am definitely a better person. I am a better manager, I am a better parent, I am a better coach, I am a better partner.”
The businesswoman, also a professional stand-up comedian, told of how when she started an interim contract earlier in the year, colleagues ignored her but that quickly changed.
“Nobody would talk to me,” Ms Take, who has three children, added. “They thought there is a six-foot trans woman walking around the building, I went back last week and I’ve had 40 hugs. These are people I suspect had never met a trans person before. They work in corporate circles in London and live in the home counties.”
Luan, who realised he was trans in early 2020, said the prospect of coming out to his family was “scary” but he knew they weren’t going to have an “awful reaction” due to the fact they were “liberal and left-wing”.
The 19-year-old, who did not want his surname used, added: “I knew I was safe and I wasn’t going to be kicked out the house. I came out to my mum first via writing and she was chill. She just wants me to be happy.
“She can read me really well. So she knew something was wrong. So I couldn’t just keep saying ‘nothing, nothing, nothing’ because it was very obvious that something was wrong. It was a relief to not have to hide what was wrong anymore.”
Luan, who made friends online after realising he was trans, said he then came out to his dad over a year later, as he explained coming out to his wider family has been a “gradual process”.
He added: “This year, I came out to my mum’s side of the family and the reactions were generally okay. Coming out to my grandparents was made a little bit easier by the fact they had previously hinted I might be trans. So I was like, they, on some level, know.”
